You may not be aware of it, people, but the biggest bash of the year in the US is slowly but surely approaching. In about a weeks’ time, on July 31st, Chelsea Clinton is finally going to marry her sweetheart. Yes indeedy, the former first daughter Chelsea Clinton is finally getting married.
And now that the details of Chelsea Clinton’s hush-hush wedding is starting to leak, I have to wonder about a few things, like will I be invited?
No, Tha Malcontent wasn't even asked to attend. Even though names like the Obamas, Oprah Winfrey, Barbra Streisand, Vladimir Putin, Steven Spielberg, Ted Turner, and even the Chinese Communist Party Hu Jintao are reportedly on the guest list, Hillary stressed that ONLY those who will be in attendance are to be people important to the couple and by NO means should Tha Malcontent be there.
Also Vince Foster will not be attending, nor could he be reached for comment!
Even Cuban dictator Fidel Castro and North Korean leader Kim Jong Il may be making cameo appearances at the Versailles-inspired Beaux-Arts mansion on 50 acres overlooking the Hudson in Rhinebeck.. Where the wedding has been arranged with the secrecy worthy only of a secret military invasion somewhat like the invasion of Normandy in 1944, and the security befitting for a former President and the current Secretary of State aka "The Pig in a Pant Suit..
Tiger Woods as well as a half dozen of his mistresses, will be attending but shamefully Al gore will not. And he was going to wear his Tux designed by Vera WANG! I guess that Big Al had a case of Glo-Ball warming that day.
Yes, the very sad news for everyone is that Al and Tipper Gore would not be attending, as Big Al is currently involved in fighting allegations of sexually pleasuring a masseuse while his estranged wife is coming to terms after discovering that her husband has had other interests, in fact there are multiple allegations such as the Big sleaze-bucket pointing at his erect penis and ordered his Masseuse to “Take care of THIS.'"
The former Vice President is already in enough hot water with Tipper over his antics and this new allegation turned up just in time to make Big BJ Bill angry enough to cancel his invitation to the real Ball. But don't worry, Al, have no fear the MSM has your back. Everything is going to be alright. We all know that you were only looking for the towel rack.
And there seem to bee some rumors floating around that Big Al might make an secret appearance at the big occasion, disguised as a Lesbian African American woman with some serious sex addiction issues that may force him/her to make a mysterious consensual homosexual relationship with Bill Clinton!
Also, according to insiders, the rumors that Chelsea Clinton may be wearing a Burka at her wedding, to stir up a bit of controversy, have been vehemently denied by people who say they know a few things.
Chelsea Clinton’s wedding to Marc Mezvinsky will be approaching us soon and Our Former First Mom Hillary Clinton said it will be a family affair, and that NO Conservative Liberal-Basher's would be invited!. Oh well, I still have Bristol Palin wedding to look forward to.
And here’s some real breaking news! Even though the Former First Mom Hillary is a Methodist. And Bubba, BJ Bill is a Southern Baptist. Chelsea Clinton be planning one of the biggest Jewish weddings of the year? And by the way, Sarah Palin's name was noticeably missing from the guest-list! Talk about the lack of bipartisanship.
Clinton is Christian and Mezvinsky is Jewish, they could be married by a priest, a rabbi or both. And once again inside rumors have it that both Joe Lieberman and Reverend Jeremiah Wright will officiate. Now there’s some real news for ya.
When I asked the Former First Mom's good friend Andrea Mitchell if I had been invited. She told me that her lips were sealed, and that she was under very strict orders not to talk about it. And for the right reasons, she added that the didn't want to have any Liberal Bashers attending.
Nancy Pelosi was overheard saying that she hadn’t actually read the vows, but she’s sure that they were going to be good ones.
A few unanswered questions are:
1) Can Hillary take a photo without the foaming at the mouth crazy bitch look?
2)And why is it that Former Republican presidents just fade away after office, yet we're stuck for life with former Democrat Presidents?
3)Also, will Hillary Clinton be wearing a pant suit?
4) Is Monica invited? Maybe she could pop out of the cake.
When asked about her more dramatic recollection of Hillary and Chelsea ducking bullets from the sniper fire in Bosnia. Hillary so wisely replied. “No Comment”